Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Olympics need more Fun!??

Myself and a few friends were chilling one morning, it was a friends 21st birthday, sadly the old bastard had an exam at uni at 9AM or some lark, so we let him go and on his return cracked open a bottle of bubbly and a pack of cigars, we are classy you see.

It may just be us but do cigars make you dribble? I mean I wasn't too bad but a friend was dribbling like a ...I am trying to be politically correct here, so what's the word?...retard?

Anyway moving on, we were watching the TV and saw an advert depicting old Olympic games where people were doing some pretty old-school activities, tug-of-war, jumping through barrels and other events, as soon as the advert ended we looked to one another and pondered the question, why and when did they decide a tug-of-war wasn't good enough to qualify for an Olympic sport and why did they get so serious..

We then sat there listing "Events" we would have if we could make the Olympics fun again,

A few ideas were tossed about and I am about to list a few we talked about and a few ideas of my own and suggestions from friends:

Tug-Of-War - An old favourite sadly only running from 1900-1920, stubbed out in its youth. This sport is a wonderful sport, I mean if you suck at a lot of sports what way to prove yourself better than dragging those dirty Germans through mud on a piece of rope...bring it back I say.

Beer Pong - This sport is amazing and in America is common practise throughout college life, sadly it is not as big over here but I do like to see myself as a semi-pro at the sport, I guess it cant be involved because it involves alcohol? eh fuck it, its MY Olympics and I vote Beer Pong!

Egg and Spoon Race - Admittedly this may be an English thing, but pssh it's OUR Olympics so we can make what we want of it.

Ladder Racing - Oh boy, saw a random video on YouTube sometime and it was literally a race up a ladder, the idea of the event is to get to the top of the ladder first. I feel it would provide sufficient excitement and entertainment to include as an Olympic event.

Cheese Rolling - Well I am sure us GB'ers will do well with the success of the Cotswold's cheese rollers..Aim of the game you ask? Cheese is rolled down a hill (preferably "Double Gloucester") and participants throw themselves down the hill after aforementioned cheese, the prize is the cheese itself! However that was 200 years ago, this day and age hundreds of people do it for the laughs and the excitement of throwing themselves down a hill in a race against other maniacs craving cheese! I really do not feel there is much strategy to this just training which I would assume consists of learning to take a battering and to roll down hills?

Shin Kicking - Simple game, shove as much straw as you can into your trousers to protect your shins then have at it with another contender kicking them in the shins until they fall, first to make the other fall 2 out of 3 wins, they then move onto a new challenger. There isn't really a way to WIN as you compete until you lose, however an Olympic version I guess would be last man standing?

Conkers - Old childhood favourite, Two contestants..Two conkers on string taking it in turns to strike one another's until one smashes! Very exciting as you can imagine! Strict rules must be enforced to prevent the hardening of conkers for profitable results!

There were many others but I am lazy,

If there were any sports/events you would love to see in the Olympics do let me know! The crazier the better..

A beautiful rant I once had at 6AM

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Yes Facebook that is exactly what I want to do!

Just browsing the book of face and felt like a little rant! How hard is it to spell words? I mean words like Antidisestablishmentarianism are a ball ache to spell but simple words or even stringing a sentence together can really be a problem for some? The use of correct spelling and grammar indicates care in the end product. Misspelling and bad grammar does not indicate stupidity, but does usually indicate laziness.

I vote stupidity!

Do I like to talk like that?

Erm let me think?

No nevr it maykez u sond stewpid, evn tho u cn stll undrstnd, becoz teh brain iz sortng owt da meenins fo u. It jus sims lazy.

Yay I did it! Go me I can now be amongst the masses of people out there who “tlk lyk dis on facebook n lyk I wnna do dis and b cool so lyk I dnt gotta tlk lyk normal peeps”

“It’s quicker to type like that…”

It may be quicker but 95% of the people who are going to read it will think “what a fucking mong” the other 5% will probably be your friends who also speak like dicks, so as a collective I shall dub thee a “Gaggle of Mongs”

I am not quite sure where I am going with this but grr it annoys the fuck out of me.

Might I add I am not having a moan at people who genuinely can’t spell or those whose first language isn’t English, I am purely venting at the youth of today who seem to not be able to manage…

I am still trying to get my head around it, why the fuck would you choose willingly to write like a complete dick, if you want to get anywhere in this world you should be able to spell basic words, talk basic sentences and generally string along sentences with full words and not be a lazy ass.

You see there are also different groups within this mong collective, those who are lazy fucks and just abbreviate the shit out of words and write “U” for “You” etc, admittedly they still annoy the shit out of me but hey at least we are able to make out what they are saying. Then we move on to the Extreme mongs, as I like to call them, where every word is misspelt……every god damn word!

A beautiful example of some random person I just deleted off facebook (Yes it really annoyed me that much! RageRemove!) I changed the names in the conversation as not to be mean!

Mong 1

Im not gana du wat I waz gana du I dont love him I love Niro so I dumpd Tyrone n he got all fukd of at me 4 nufink

Mong 2

Tru lol owel den madness who is niro

Mong 1

Guy I fukd few daez ago we m8z now I love him Im so much lyk hiz sista I juz dont wana admit it awkward 4him 2kiss me n shit but Im alowd2 du wat I want

A beautiful conversation I know right?! Why on earth you discuss such things openly on facebook in the first place is a question that has to be asked, oh well kids today eh?

This rant is coming to an end now but hey please do have your say, even if I have called you a mong I would love to hear from you.

I must clarify, when I say mong I in no way refer to someone with Down’s Syndrome, not only am I not referring to people with Down’s Syndrome I am not associating the word at all with its old derogatory meaning.

It's just words. Words change.

Mong to me is just a word for a stupid fucko.

( Hope there isn’t too many spell/grammar fails :/ )